Signed: From The Sexy Snake Mistress
by iluvninjas
Summary: For the Kazekage of Suna's contest, here is my entry. Anko, forced by Kurenai, records her daily happenings in a journal. There is mild cursing, but nothing to be afraid of. Beware of Anko's wild imagination and actions.


**So this is my one-shot entry for The Kazekage of Suna's contest. Check out her stories, too, because Gaara keeps a "journal" (It's a dairy). I hope you enjoy reading. **

**I do not own Naruto.**

**Just a side note, I recommend reading this out loud.**

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July something (I didn't bother to look at the date) -

So, Kurenai basically gave me this dairy or journal book thing to help control all my "crazy" and "wild" emotions.

Frankly, I don't think I need this. I'm not crazy or wild. The correct terms would be outgoing and sexy.

I guess I should write down what happened today and explain my "feelings" like I'm supposed to do.

I had the most wonderful dream last night. There was dango of all colors everywhere! After the dream was getting to its most delicious part, the background turned black and my dangos were disappearing! Then, this giant semi-faceless humanoid creature was eating all my precious dango with a sick and twisted smile! He was like Voldemort, but with no eyes. Right when I went to show him (or her. All I saw was a creepy smile. That doesn't give away much) to never to mess with my dream, a strange beeping sound filled the space. Everything literally 'poofed' away.

Then I woke up. Which made me a bit crestfallen that I could not finish my dream.

To start out the day, I went to my usual tea and dango shop, only to find out that the man-boy in front of me took the last of the dango! Crazy right? I almost kunai-ed his ass, but I didn't. Don't worry, he got to feel the infamous wrath of Anko Mitarashi! In the end, I got the dangos I wanted. The scenario reminded me of my dream only this time, I managed to pummel the wretch.

I told the dango thief "Not today," in the most badass voice and pose I could create.

Skipping forward, the rest of my day was pretty bo_**-\*/\_/\_/\+/\`/\_/\-/\-/\_/+\*/**_

Somebody just bumped into me . . . and ruined the entry page!

She said she's "sorry", but she's lying.

I know it.

And she'll regret it.

She'll regret messing me up, and lying to me.

She'll regret _everything_.

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**( '-' ) ('o') ^( '-' )^ ('o') v( '-' )v ( 'o' ) ^( '-' )^ ('o') v( '-' )v ('o') ( '-' )**

* * *

I am back!

And in case you are wondering about the poor soul that dared to sabotage me, let's just say, she's _hanging_ around. I think I'm starting to _take her breath away_. Ha-ha, I amuse myself.

Hehehe. Hahaha! Mwahahahahaha!

I'll leave what happened to the "innocent" soul up to your creative imagination. (She wasn't innocent at all.)

Anyway, it's about to be evening. That means it's time to do my favorite thing of the day: scaring and freaking out the village people!

I know what you're thinking: "But Anko-sensei-sama, didn't you already do that when you beat up those two other people?"

To answer your question, no, Anko-sensei-sama did not.

And I didn't beat them up. I gave them a friendly and light brawl that gave lasting effects and wounds. No big deal. Besides, the difference between what I'm about to do and them is that the "blows" I gave the imbeciles weren't planned.

Anyways, let's get back on track. My favorite place to torment the people of the village is by the bridge, under the water. They'll never notice or expect a person to be in the water unless they're drowning. Only I'm not drowning, I'm hiding. So what I'm using is a great tactic that serves multiple purposes for various events. I so happen to be feeling generous and will share the ways with you.

~ **In a Mission** = If there is a river in the area, make sure to lure the enemy beforehand to the river. Make sure his/her back is turned or he/she is not facing where you are hiding before pouncing and landing the finishing blow on him. Keep in mind that you should conceal your chakra while carrying out these steps.

~ **For a Prank **= The whole point of this is to be hiding in water. Just scare on comers to your best ability. Add some fake blood (e.g., tomato paste, ketchup, blood of an animal, etc.), wear a scary costume (preferably a lake monster) and voila! You have successfully scared and scarred the village. Well done.

~ **For Fun** = There's not much to do for this one. The key point is to make sure you have: a) friends b) people or c) both around to trick them. Play by the water and "fall". Pretend to be drowning or crying, or do both, and there is a chance someone will try to help you out. Once a person grabs your hand, pull them down! Now they are in the water with you. The more people trying to help you, the more fun the results will be.

I gave all the advice and ideas I could possibly conceive of right on the spot.

I don't know what you're still doing here. You can go home now.

Are you stalking me? I know I'm fabulously sexy and all, but you should go home before I leave you in bloody and mangled death-like mess.

Your not psychotic – sexy snake mistress,

Anko Mitarashi

P.S - Why are you reading my journal anyway?


End file.
